Call me crazy, but I took my babies to see The Lorax yesterday afternoon. By babies, I mean I have a 3 yo and a 19 mo old. The oldest sat tight and glued her eyes to that giant screen. As long as she had her popcorn and water, she was a gem! The boy, well that's another story and the reason for this blog post. Some things are just too entertaining not to share.
Timing is everything. We saw the 300P show because it was after his long nap and perfect time for a late lunch. I made some popcorn and PB&J at home because I was not going to stand in line with 2 monkeys and buy their overpriced anything. Edwards charges for kids at 3, but she can pass for 2 so I just bought one ticket. (Hey, we're a single income family and I have to cut corners wherever possible. I don't feel bad for it. They make up for cheap mom's like me at their concession stand!) We get our spots in the 3rd row of the stadium seating 10 minutes before showtime. This was good because he was able to check out the surroundings, settle in, people watch and adjust to the volume in the theater. Lights go down and that's when I whip out the popcorn.
Right about now, I am thinking to myself that all is right with the world. I'm in a packed theater with two youngsters who are angelically seated with eyes up and feet forward, munching on snacks, watching a movie. My heart is swimming! The boy finished his popcorn. But not to worry...I have the trusty PB&J in my purse. Eaten in the dark, it's hard to see where the excess fillings drip out. Turns out, they drip out all over my white pants. (I'm making a mental note about that one.) Things still going good...he's watching the movie. I've missed a bit at this point because I have one eye on the boy and the other on the screen. The Princess has finished her popcorn and now she wants sandwiches. She's so good today!
There's half an hour left (I checked the running time before I committed and noted when the previews were over and the movie began so I had more accurate timing) and I'm all out of popcorn and PB&J. They didn't last the 86 minutes like I had hoped! And just like that, my swimming heart is punctured and panic spills out. *GASP* He gets cranky that there are no more munchies. So he drinks water. He likes to shake his cup to hear how much is in there. In one swift cup-shaking motion, he threw it at the kid in front of him. After slamming into the kid, the cup hits the armrest and clatters to the ground. And I get mad dogged by an angry 8 year old. I whisper, "Sorry." What else can I do? Well now my boy has no water because his sister saw what happened and she wasn't about to give up her cup for the cause. So I let him take smalls sips off my water bottle. I had just refilled his before he lost it, so mine wasn't full. Next thing I know, he hurls it in the air and it lands on the mom of the kid he already nailed. She handed an empty water bottle back to me.
Why can't my body curl up small enough to fit under my chair?
He is no longer on my lap. I put him back in the seat, next to his sister, with my arm across his chest, like a mom seat belt. But he wriggles out of it. When he stands on the seat, his head barely exceeds the high back, so I don't worry about him obstructing the view of the folks behind me. That's when he notices the lady next to us. She has a plastic bottle of Dr. Pepper in her armrest. Not anymore. More apologies whisper out of my mouth. I think about leaving, but that would crush my daughter and then I would have TWO cranky annoying kids. I must appease where ever conceivable! So we stay.
The movie is finally over (cue celebratory dance!). I know we have to wait for the masses to leave because it's easier maneuvering down the stairs without someone behind us. But my daughter is in a hurry to get out. She jumps off the seat and it flips up. My boy was standing, leaning on the back of the seat, so when it flipped up, he dropped down. It was right out of a game show. I nearly peed myself. He was not a happy camper. I tried to pull him straight up and out, but his leg was stuck. I had to free him from the giant kid trap through my tears of laughter.
The theater finally cleared out, especially the family in front of us (parents, grandparents, 3 kids), and I was able to fish for the assault cup. We left the theater and I was free at last!! Such relief. An overwhelming sense of relief that I survived the experience. I let the kids run out through the lobby and around the giant fountain before we head to the minivan. We're ready to cross the parking lot, so I pick him up. That's when I notice that he has a shoe missing. It's the shoe from the leg that got stuck in the kidtraption chair! We had to go all the way back into the theater. My daughter is excited because she thinks we are going to see it again. My son is excited because he thinks he can run up/down the stairs by himself. I get excited because I saw all the sandwich fillings on the floor that didn't make it to my white pants.
As we are on our final trek to the minivan, I think to myself that it could have been a lot worse (that the potential for PB&J on my pants was far greater than the actual). It was an adventure, a fun one, and though stressful at times, I laughed so much it hurt and my kids enjoyed themselves. I would do it again in a heartbeat...only after I try to find a sitter for the boy!
