It takes a village. That’s what they
say and it’s what I firmly believe. I have several friends that we spend time
with who naturally feel that way. Our common path veers towards the village. If
my daughter is climbing the tree, it’s okay if ‘Mrs. A’ tells her to stop and
brings her down. If I have to go to the car to change a massive diaper, I feel
totally comfortable leaving my daughter under the watch of my mom friend for 5
minutes. I have bottle fed babies and hand fed toddlers that weren’t mine. I
have taken other preschoolers to the restroom for potty time. I have corrected
a bad situation that none of my children were involved in. Do my mom friends
care? Nope. Not one bit. In fact, while dreaming up this blog post, I found
that they encourage it. They appreciate it because they can’t do it alone. None
of us can. As proud as we try to be, we all need help and I like to get mine
from my village of friends, and especially my family.
The age group of most of our play
dates is 2 to 4 years old. This is a very impressionable stage of development,
filled with numerous challenges and infinite decision-making. They test the
waters to see what they can get away with, learning right from wrong. At this
age, hitting is almost a given. It’s just what kids do. If my child were to hit
another and I missed it, I expect the parent who saw it to say something to my
child and then let me know. All children are sweet and innocent, and if they
were to strike another child, it’s not with malice, but rather, endless
curiosity or over-enthusiasm in a playtime environment. I don’t feel it is wise
to shelter a child from something like this as it is a major learning
experience at such a formative age. I am not saying that hitting is okay. A
correction is still in order, but such actions come with the territory of the
age group.
If my son or daughter does something
bad and I don’t see it, the other parent can immediately step in before things
get out of control. When s/he gets reprimanded by a villager, it teaches obedience
and to respect others. At the same time, s/he learns from others. S/he learns
trust. If my daughter ever gets lost (heaven forbid), she knows to approach a
mom with kids for help, as opposed to the random stranger. She is also very
observant, and watches and learns from the environment in our village.
I don’t judge other parents for
their style of doing things. In fact, I like to watch and observe how others
reprimand their children. Seeing a mom yell at her kids makes me feel good! It
makes me feel like I am not alone! And yes, sometimes, it makes me thankful
that my kids are not that bad! I’ve witnessed tantrums and admired the mom for
her finesse out in public. I’ve seen a potty emergency without a bathroom in
sight, but plenty of grass and bushes! I’ve seen a blowout diaper in all its
glory and a mom with the quick skill to make it go away in a snap. I witnessed
a child having a seizure and the mom didn’t skip a beat! I’ve attended a hosted
party with at least sixty parents and kids in and out of the house all day
long, and the hostess took it all in stride without a sweaty armpit. And I’m
not ashamed to admit that I have even gotten jealous over a friend’s double
stroller and another’s organized shelving system! These women are my heroes! I
learn from them and I appreciate them. They are my friends. They are fellow moms.
Many times, in fact daily, I wonder
to myself if I’m even doing the right things as a parent. I’m constantly
questioning whether this was the right move, the right thing to say, the
correct approach. This is one of many reasons I look forward to play dates…to
watch and learn, to ask questions, to share what little I know. Parenting is
not easy by any means. In fact, in my lifetime, it is by far the most difficult
thing I’ve ever done. If I can get help from a reliable, personable source, I
will do so because it takes a village…
Here is a link to a great article I read on using a village to raise your child(ren). Regardless of any political affiliations (Clinton haters), it’s an interesting read and quite insightful for my villagers.
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